10 title ideas for porno-ized versions of time-travel movies or shows (besides The Sperminator)

(Photo source: a Doctor Who-themed Pinchbottom burlesque show photo gallery posted by io9.)

10. Army of Hardness

9. The Anal Countdown

8. Doctor Screw: Last of the Time Whores

7. Timecock

6. Deja Screw

5. Sluttierhouse-Five

4. Hard Trek IV: The Voyage Bone

3. Peeing Erica

2. Hot Butt Grind Machine

1. Come There in Time

AFOS "A-to-Z April" playlist

1. American Gigolo: Giorgio Moroder, "Hello Mr. W.A.M. (Finale)," American Gigolo, Polydor
2. Battlestar Galactica: Bear McCreary, "Mandala in the Clouds" (from "Maelstrom"), Battlestar Galactica: Season 3, La-La Land
3. Confessions of a Police Captain: Riz Ortolani, "Il ricordo di Serena" (from Confessione di un commissario di polizia al procuratore della Repubblica), Easy Tempo Vol. 1: A Cinematic Easy Listening Experience, Right Tempo
4. Damage: Zbigniew Preisner, "The Last Time" (from Damage), Varèse Sarabande: A 25th Anniversary Celebration Volume Two, Varèse Sarabande
5. ER: James Newton Howard, "Theme from ER," ER, Atlantic
6. Finishing the Game: Brian Tyler, "Ready or Not," Finishing the Game, Brian Tyler
7. Game of Death: John Barry, "The Big Motorcycle Fight" (from Game of Death), Game of Death/Night Games, Silva Screen
8. The Hunchback of Soho: Peter Thomas Sound Orchestra, "The Hump" (from The Hunchback of Soho), Futuremuzik, Scamp
9. Infamy: DJ Z-Trip and Garron Chang, "Infamy Movie Theme" (from Infamy), djztrip.com
10. Justice League: The New Frontier: Kevin Manthei, "Plan to Action," Justice League: The New Frontier, La-La Land
11. The Knack...And How to Get It: John Barry, "Here Comes Nancy Now!," The Knack...And How to Get It, Rykodisc
12. Lupin the 3rd: You & the Explosion Band, "Theme from Lupin III '78," Lupin the 3rd, Pioneer
13. The Man Who Knew Too Little: Christopher Young, "The Man Who Knew Too Little," Varèse Sarabande: A 25th Anniversary Celebration Volume Two, Varèse Sarabande
14. Northern Exposure: David Schwartz, "Alaskan Nights," Northern Exposure, MCA
15. Ocean's Thirteen: David Holmes, "Snake Eyes," Ocean's Thirteen, Warner Sunset/Warner Bros.
16. The Prisoner: Ron Grainer, "Main Titles," The Prisoner [File #1], Silva Screen
17. Quantum of Solace: Four Tet, "Crawl, End Crawl," Crawl, End Crawl (from the Motion Picture Quantum of Solace), Columbia/MGM
18. Raiders of the Lost Ark: John Williams, "Airplane Fight," Raiders of the Lost Ark, DCC Compact Classics
19. Shaft in Africa: Johnny Pate, "Shaft in Africa (Addis)," Shaft in Africa, Hip-O Select/Geffen
20. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Bear McCreary, "Highway Battle" (from "Queen's Gambit"), Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, La-La Land
21. The Untouchables: Ennio Morricone, "The Strength of the Righteous (Main Title)," The Untouchables, A&M
22. V for Vendetta: Dario Marianelli, "Remember Remember," V for Vendetta, Astralwerks
23. WALL·E: Thomas Newman, "Define Dancing," WALL·E, Walt Disney
24. XXX: Randy Edelman, "Prague Arrival" (from XXX), Varèse Sarabande: A 25th Anniversary Celebration, Varèse Sarabande
25. You Only Live Twice: John Barry, "Fight at Kobe Dock - Helga," You Only Live Twice, EMI/Capitol
26. Zodiac: David Shire, "Graysmith's Theme," Zodiac, Varèse Sarabande
27. John Williams, "Superfeats" (from Superman: The Movie), Superman: The Music, Film Score Monthly
28. John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, "The Siege of Justiceville," They Live: 20th Anniversary Edition, AHI
29. Maurice Jarre, "Building the Barn" (from Witness), Paramount Pictures' 90th Anniversary Memorable Scores, Sony Classical
30. The City of Prague Philharmonic, "Fanfare/'I ain't Captain Walker'" (from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome), The Essential Maurice Jarre Film Music Collection, Silva Screen
31. Shirley Manson, "Samson and Delilah," Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, La-La Land

The two-hour "A-to-Z April" block repeats Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4am, 10am, 3pm, 7pm and 11pm, and Saturdays and Sundays at 7am, 9am, 1pm, 3pm and 5pm all through April on the Fistful of Soundtracks channel.

An Oakland Raider busts out the Carlton Dance

I'm not a fan of the Silver and Black, but the highlight of yesterday's Raiders/Texans game amused me: Raiders wide receiver Johnnie Lee Higgins* celebrated a touchdown by doing the illest shout-out to a sitcom I grew up watching. His choice for an end-zone dance was the hilarious Carlton Dance from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (photo by Brant Ward of the San Francisco Chronk).


Before he played Carlton, Alfonso Ribeiro was best known for his slick dance moves on Broadway and in commercials with Michael Jackson back when he was black, so it's funny that Ribeiro's most famous dance move today is a much less slick-looking move in which he had to pretend to be a less skilled dancer. The Carlton Dance is a parody of what has to be the whitest-looking dance ever. Every rhythmically challenged white person in the '80s did it, from Bruce Springsteen and Courteney Cox in the "Dancing in the Dark" video to the clubgoers at the Tech Noir in the original Terminator.

Whenever Ribeiro would bust out the Carlton Dance, everyone in the studio audience would lose their minds. Twelve years after the last time Carlton shook his ass back and forth to Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual" on NBC, that dorky dance still makes crowds lose their minds, judging from yesterday's reactions from the Raider Nation, the TV sports reporters and the blogosphere.

-----

* When Higgins scored another TD, he bust out what SacBee blogger Jason Jones (not the soon-to-be-ex-Daily Show correspondent) called "one of Big Daddy Kane's patented dance moves." After the game, JLH identified this second dance as the "Hooka Hooka." He also did the Humpty Dance for a TV sports reporter in the locker room. The guy's got quite an arsenal of end-zone dances. A hater said on a message board that JLH's "idiotic dances need to be penalized." Looks like Reverend Shaw wants to expand his anti-dancing crusade from Bomont to the NFL.