25 Crime Movies on MST3K

The long-running television series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999) regularly mocked old movies with monsters and aliens and the like. However, some episodes found Joel or Mike and the robots heckling the occasional bad movie about gangsters, robbers, and other criminal activity. As such, we present the following list:

25 Crime Movies on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (in order of airdate)

01 Movie: The Corpse Vanishes (1942)
MST3K Episode 105 (Dec 1989)
Mystery and horror film starring Bela Lugosi as a mad scientist who injects his aging wife with fluids from virginal young brides to preserve her beauty. A journalist and a small town doctor investigate.

02 Movie: Untamed Youth (1957)
MST3K Episode 112 (Feb 1990)
Two hitchhiking sisters are sentenced to 30 days labor at a cotton farm run by the corrupt county government. Starring Mamie Van Doren.

03 Movie: Catalina Caper (1967)
MST3K Episode 204 (Oct 1990)
Two college boys enjoy Catalina Island sunshine, scuba diving, and beach "bunnies", while another boy's con-artist parents scheme to sell a stolen scroll. Starring Tommy Kirk with Lyle Waggoner.

04 Movie: Wild Rebels (1967)
MST3K Episode 207 (Nov 1990)
A retired race car driver, talked into going undercover by the police, joins a biker gang and must serve as the getaway car driver.

05 Movie: The Hellcats (1968)
MST3K Episode 209 (Dec 1990)
After a cop is killed by a drug boss, his fiancée and his brother join a drug-running woman-led biker gang to uncover the boss's operation and get justice.

06 Movie: Daddy-O (1959)
MST3K Episode 307 (Jul 1991)
A drag-racing crooner investigates his friend's death and becomes a courier for drug dealers.

07 Movie: Master Ninja I (1978, 1984)
MST3K Episode 322 (Jan 1992)
Two episodes of the 1984 television series The Master, edited together: An American ninja and his pupil defend an airport owner from businessmen and a corrupt sheriff; then defend a nightclub owner from thugs. Starring Lee Van Cleef and Tim Van Patten.

08 Movie: Master Ninja II (1978, 1984)
MST3K Episode 324 (Jan 1992)
Two more episodes of The Master strung together to make a "movie." This time, the protagonists help a tuna cannery union organizer, and save a Senator's daughter from terrorists.

09 Movie: Indestructible Man (1956)
MST3K Episode 409 (Aug 1992)
Convicted robber and murderer Butcher Benton is executed -- and then revived by a researcher who claims the body and subjects it to massive jolts of electricity. Benton sets out for revenge against the men who betrayed him. Starring Lon Chaney, Jr.

10 Movie: The Beatniks (1960)
MST3K Episode 415 (Nov 1992)
A leader of a gang of delinquent teens is heard singing along with a jukebox at a greasy spoon and gets the chance to be a star. His gang, resentful of his success, threaten to ruin his career.

11 Movie: The Rebel Set (1959)
MST3K Episode 419 (Dec 1992)
A coffeehouse owner wants to knock off an armored car, and gets three losers to help him. Starring Edward Platt.

12 Movie: Swamp Diamonds, a.k.a. Swamp Women (1956)
MST3K Episode 503 (Jul 1993)
Four women break out of prison, hoping to recover a cache of stolen diamonds. Starring Beverly Garland and Mike Connors. Directed by Roger Corman.

13 Movie: I Accuse My Parents (1944)
MST3K Episode 507 (Sept 1993)
A young man gets mixed up with a crime syndicate and blames his inattentive parents.

14 Movie: The Girl in Lovers Lane (1960)
MST3K Episode 509 (Sept 1993)
A drifter and a rich-kid runaway become involved with a small town waitress. When she's found murdered, the drifter is blamed.

15 Movie: Mitchell (1975)
MST3K Episode 512 (Oct 1993)
A slovenly cop pursues drug traffickers. Starring Joe Don Baker, with Martin Balsam, John Saxon, Linda Evans, and Merlin Olsen.

16 Movie: Teen-Age Strangler (1964)
MST3K Episode 514 (Nov 1993)
A serial murderer stalks teenagers in a small town.

17 Movie: Teen-Age Crime Wave (1955)
MST3K Episode 522 (Jan 1994)
After breaking out of prison, young fugitives hold a family hostage in a small farmhouse.

18 Movie: The Violent Years (1956)
MST3K Episode 610 (Oct 1994)
The spoiled daughter of a well-to-do newspaper editor organizes a gang of bored young women like herself. The gang robs gas stations and terrorizes a local lovers' lane.Screenplay by Ed Wood, Jr.

19 Movie: Bloodlust! (1959)
MST3K Episode 607 (Sept 1994)
Two couples on a boating trip land on an uncharted island, where they find themselves in the clutches of a man whose hobby is hunting both animals and humans.

20 Movie: Racket Girls (1951)
MST3K Episode 616 (Nov 1994)
A small-time gangster who manages women's wrestlers must dodge both the police and the mob. Real life wrestlers Peaches Page, Rita Martinez, and Clara Mortensen appear as fictional versions of themselves.

21 Movie: Red Zone Cuba, a.k.a. Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966)
MST3K Episode 619 (Dec 1994)
An escaped criminal stumbles upon a desolate Army post, takes part in the Bay of Pigs invasion, then goes in search of ore. Directed by and starring Coleman Francis. Cameo by John Carradine ... who also performs the film's opening song, "Night Train to Mundo Fine."

22 Movie: Angels' Revenge (1979)
MST3K Episode 622 (Mar 1995)
Six women fight drug dealers. With Jim Backus, Jack Palance, Alan Hale, Jr., Pat Buttram, and Arthur Godfrey.

23 Movie: The Brute Man (1946)
MST3K Episode 702 (Feb 1996)
A murderer seeks revenge against the people he holds responsible for the disfigurement of his face.

24 Movie: The Girl in Gold Boots (1968)
MST3K Episode 1002 (Apr 1999)
A girl from rural California goes to Los Angeles to work as a go-go dancer. There, she and her friends get involved with drug dealers.

25 Movie: Final Justice (1984)
MST3K Episode 1008 (Jun 1999)
A Texas sheriff winds up on Malta in pursuit of the criminal that killed his partner. Starring Joe Don Baker.

Related links:
Mystery Science Theater 3000: A Primer 
Mystery Science Theater: The Musical 
Official Website: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Satellite News: The Official Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fan Site
MST3K Wiki

Mad Men and the early Sixties

Friends, I started watching Mad Men yesterday.  With three episodes of Season 1 under by belt, I am sorry to say that I think I've had enough.

It's a lot easier to criticize others' creative output than to be creative yourself and it's obvious that Mad Men is a collective labor of love.  The achievements of Mad Men stylist Janie Bryant in recreating the look of the period deserve praise.  But the writers' take on Sixties attitudes and relationships is one big politically-incorrect cliché.

This series -- which could be dubbed Cigarettes and Alcohol and the Miserable Sexist WASPs Who Consumed Them -- feels like it was made by people who have no living knowledge of the period, but can't get over the fact that women were once called girls.
  
The theme of the banality of prosperous postwar America and the stultifying conformity that oppressed so many affluent white Americans is a familiar one.  We've been here before -- from Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates, to John Updike, to films like The Graduate, Todd Haynes' Far From Heaven and many, many others.  

In Mad Men, all the men are aggressive louts and lotharios, the women submissive, competitive (with each other), or outcasts.  Nobody's happy because, you see, the American Dream is....... a MYTH! (Sound familiar?)

This series is so bogged down in recreating Sixties style -- long-line dress silhouettes, knotty pine kitchen cabinets, vintage IBM Selectric typewriters; endless close-ups of office bars and ashtrays and rotary phones and tailfins -- that the substance takes second place.

And the substance -- society's "winners" and their lives of quiet, nicotine-addicted desperation -- is old news.  

The postwar world of corporate conformity was already ripe for satire while it was happening.  Just watch Billy Wilder's Oscar-winning The Apartment starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley Maclaine, from 1960.  Nobody was more cynical about contemporary American life than Billy Wilder, and this classic film nails the greed, the sexism -- indeed the sickness -- beneath the slick veneer of American success.

The Apartment still feels fresh today.  It's funny, knowing, and terribly moving.  You'll learn much more about life in 1960 than you ever will from the Postwar America 101 version that is Man Men.

Looking for a deftly clever satire on advertising?  Try Lover Come Back, starring Doris Day and Rock Hudson from 1961, another brilliant send-up of the duplicitous, appallingly sexist, cut-throat world of the early Sixties three-martini-lunch business world.

Both Lover Come Back and The Apartment address the competitive "jock" culture that was very much in evidence in (and in many ways defines) the corporation.  But unlike Mad Men, these films handle these themes with a lightness and charm utterly lacking in the contemporary series, not to mention sharp writing, masterful acting (neither Jack Lemmon nor Doris Day has ever been better) and genuine affection (and sympathy) for their characters.

Watch these films and then go back to Mad Men and you'll know what I mean instantly.  The slurred diction and amateurish acting alone make it painful to watch.  And the unrelenting ugliness of the human relationships represented is depressing.

In other news, friends, I also watched Coco Before Chanel and I loved it.  Audrey Tautou gives a beautiful performance as the young, soon-to-be-famous couturier, and the period styling is perfect without the film ever being about the period styling.

Why are French films able to present human relationships with subtlety and non-judgment and create characters of such dimensionality -- even when they're biographical films and have to stick to the facts -- and why can't Hollywood do this anymore (if it every could)?

In closing, friends, I'm taking off my film critic hat for the day now; I'm much more comfortable with the sewing machine. And there will be sewing today. There must be!

Happy Wednesday, everybody!

Anyone seen The Apartment or Lover Come Back?

"The September Issue" + fashion movie faves!

Between last week's tulle-athon and this week's stock market crisis, I've been needing to chill, and there's nothing that relaxes me more than popping a video in my DVD-drive and watching a good fashion flick.

I've always had a thing for movies centered on the fashion world.  Of course Funny Face is a favorite, starring an impossibly chic Audrey Hepburn, Fred Astaire, and featuring gorgeous French scenery, fabulous Givenchy gowns, Gershwin songs, plus appearances by legendary Fifties models Suzy Parker and Dovima!

The opening number, "Think Pink," is a knock-out -- wonderful, campy fun!

Less entertaining, but still essential viewing, is the 1944 film adaptation of the musical Lady in the Dark, which I wrote about a long time ago here.  Ginger Rogers isn't really right for the role of a repressed fashion magazine editor undergoing psychoanalysis, but the forties clothes and lush technicolor are superb.

Another fashion movie fave is Maghogany starring Diana Ross, from the early 70's.  It's a mess of a film, but full of fabulous Seventies fashion and campy, over-the-top performances.   It's best known, perhaps, for the song "Do You Know Where You're Going To?" (see video below)

Anyway, just look what I picked up at the library yesterday!



I'd been wanting to see The September Issue, the 2009 documentary about Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour, for some time.  I don't know too much about Coco Before Chanel starring Audrey Tatou. but the reviews on Amazon are largely positive ones.  Have you seen it?

I also found the first three seasons of Mad Men -- I've never seen a single episode!  I know that's not about fashion per se, but it certainly has had an effect on the contemporary fashion world (and inspires many a vintage sewing blog).

Last night I watched The September Issue and I found it fascinating.  One hears so much about how awful Anna Wintour is (especially in The Devil Wears Prada -- a rotten film) but I actually found her likable here, though clearly not as warm as Vogue Creative Director Grace Coddington.  Wintour is obviously driven to put out the best magazine possible and is under a great deal of pressure to perform -- which she does, month after month.  There were many moments when I sensed that beneath Wintour's chilly facade there's a complicated, sympathetic human being with a lot of -- excuse the pun -- issues.

The September Issue is glamorous (as you might expect), compelling, and fair.  Fashion is a tough business and you don't rise to the top of it by being a soft touch -- which definitely comes across in the film. 

In closing, friends, what are some of your favorite fashion movies?

Anything that changed your view of fashion -- or even your personal style?

Anyone out there seen Who Are You, Polly Magoo?

Have a great day, everybody!

Back to sewing!

Friends, thank you so much for your amusing and candid responses to yesterday's post about things you'll skimp on and things you won't.  I know more about you than I probably should (and vice versa), but what are blogs for if not unburdening ourselves to strangers and who doesn't like to talk about shopping?  It's a like a cross-country bus trip, but with better conversation and cleaner bathrooms.

Today I am committed to returning to sewing.  As you can see up top, my Featherweight is threaded, I've inserted a brand new #9 needle, and I'm all set to get started on my summer shirt, made with a lightweight, somewhat sheer lavender cotton (lawn?).  I haven't sewn much in the last few weeks and I'm eager to begin.



I've also rethreaded my Brother 1034D serger with light-colored thread; not sure I'll serge anything on this shirt but just in case...



Exciting news: Claire Schaeffer's Fabric Sewing Guide arrived the other day and it is an amazing resource -- so much more than I'd expected.  I'll certainly be writing more about it later on, but for less than $7 with shipping, it's a tremendous bargain.  Apropos of areas where we like to skimp, buying an older edition of a sewing book is usually a great idea.  Who cares if the photos are all from the Hatey Eighties?  In a few years, it's all going to look super cool again, trust me.









I wasn't expecting this book to be quite this large and heavy -- we're in doorstop territory.  I would love to spend a week alone with it with no distractions, and I may have my opportunity soon as my mother is being released from rehab early next week and I'll probably be spending the week with her.  I was thinking of bringing sewing supplies up -- and still am -- but I don't think I'm going to follow through; too much stuff.

Finally, readers, I watched another old (if you consider the Eighties old; I don't) movie, Pretty in Pink.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I was disappointed by what was essentially an ABC Afterschool Special about a poor high school girl falling for a rich high school boy; the same tired Cinderella story we've seen a million times.  Why is it that the girl is always poor and the boy is always rich and never the other way around?

And when did actors stop studying diction?  Big-screen mumbling is a pet peeve of mine.



There are a few cute performances and the period outfits are fun, but I think I'll skip Sixteen Candles.  Next on deck: Sex and the Single Girl, which I have a sinking feeling I'm going to hate.  The one essential ingredient of a Doris Day Sixties sex comedy is Doris Day.  As much as I like Natalie Wood...

Readers, that's all for today.  I am going to sew and I will report on my progress tomorrow.  I hope you're sewing or saving or something fun.

Pretty in Pink -- pretty awful?

Have a great day, everybody!

New Shoes and Old Movies

Friends, the cliffhanger is over -- my second-hand Allen Edmonds shoes arrived yesterday afternoon and I love them.

I've already worn them to walk the dogs and they are as comfortable as can be.  I don't know if this is because they've already been broken in by someone else, or because the fit is so good, but I know I'm going to be getting a lot of use out of them.  I even invested in a pair of cedar shoe trees, which, unfortunately, cost about half as much as the shoes, but what are you going to do?

I haven't talked about sewing projects in a while but I did want to share with you some fabric I recently purchased, a summery, lavender, slightly transparent cotton (voile?  I'm not sure -- I'm still waiting for my Claire Shaeffer fabric book to arrive), that I plan to use soon to make a shirt for myself. 



I've been getting a tremendous amount of wear out of my summer shirts given that the weather here has been extremely hot (though it's cooler today).  I've been meaning to write a post about which completed sewing projects I wear most frequently.  I do wear nearly everything I sew, and as old RTW clothes wear out, they get replaced with something I make.  Speaking of which, I need a pair of linen pants, both long and short, and I've been toying with the idea of an unlined seersucker blazer.

With the stresses of my mother's operation and hospital visits and all that, I've been self-medicating in the best way I know how: by watching bad old movies on DVD from the library.  These are not movies I share with Michael -- he'd never sit through them.  These are titles so obscure, so dated and so yawn-inducing, that only a true old movie connoisseur can appreciate them.   Oddly, the library is full of them.

I'd like to share a few with you today.

If you've never seen a Sonja Henie ice skating musical you really must.  Norwegian Sonja was a three-time Olympic gold medal figure skating champion in the 1920's and 30's and landed a long-term contract with 20th Century Fox, who produced a string of skating musicals to showcase her talents.  Unlike Sonja's swimming equivalent at MGM, Esther Williams, Sonja wasn't gorgeous, couldn't act, and often sounds like she learned her English lines phonetically.  Her figure skating technique, involving lots running on tip-toe across the ice, looks clutzy today, unlike Esther's classic backstroke.

One of Henie's last films was It's a Pleasure, her sole technicolor effort.  A dreary melodrama with a few skating numbers interspersed, it does boast some stunning Forties clothes, mainly worn by starlet Marie McDonald, who'd been famously dubbed "The Body."  How flattering.

Watch at your own risk.

I thought I'd died and gone to hell when I started watching the Joseph E. Levine production of Harlow starring Carroll Baker.  This movie -- one of two trashy Harlow biopics released in 1965 -- is a two-hour travesty, telling a completely fictionalized, sexed-up account of Thirties platinum blonde superstar Jean Harlow's life.  Splashy and over-produced, with a bossa nova-infused Neal Hefti (of Batman theme song fame) score that sounds nothing like the 1930s, Harlow gets it all wrong:  the story, the interiors, the hairstyles, the cause of death, you name it.

With one or two exceptions, all the characters have fake names, as does the studio where she works.  (Fear of lawsuits?)  See it for the Edith Head costumes that evoke Ginger on Gilligan's Island (where they probably ended up) more than Jean Harlow. 

I got through about five days' worth of Michael's Todd's Around the World in Eighty Days, which I remember seeing in re-release as a child.  This movie is a widescreen bore with Shirley Maclaine woefully miscast as an Indian princess supposedly educated in England, though her English accent is straight out of a community theater production of My Fair Lady.

Best enjoyed before bedtime, one day at a time.

Finally, there's A Date with Judy.

If you've ever seen clips of Jane Powell singing It's a Most Unusual Day, this is the movie where she sings it.  How much you enjoy this film depends on how you feel about sassy, spiritual-singing black maids and Carmen Miranda doing whatever you call what she did.  Carmen was a big hit here in the early Forties, but my understanding is that many Brazilians of that era were highly offended by her clowning.  Is it wrong to admit I always found her fun?

See A Date With Judy for the lavish color and lovely Helen Rose costumes and for the young Elizabeth Taylor, who can only be described as ravishing in it.  When you see her, you get what all the fuss was about.

Friends, we're out of time and I must away.  Have you seen any of the aforementioned turkeys and did they come with cranberry sauce?

What do we do with films that perpetuate ugly racial and cultural stereotypes yet still have -- arguably -- redeeming qualities?  I'm not sure, but I think at least a warning label is called for.

Have a great day, everybody -- or at least a most unusual one!  (click twice to see full screen)