The people who run Sleuth have no Cloo

When NBCUniversal (now one word instead of two) added Sleuth to its stable of cable channels in 2006, it was an alright idea for a channel: Nick at Nite with guns. For its first couple of years, Sleuth's 24-hour lineup was comprised of reruns of NBCUniversal-owned cop or detective shows like Dragnet, Magnum, P.I., Miami Vice and the always-worth-revisiting Homicide: Life on the Street.

But like so many other channels, of course, Sleuth has strayed from its original purpose. These days, DirecTV channel 308 is an ill-defined dumping ground for reruns of current original shows from its sister station USA (Royal Pains, In Plain Sight)--and Walker, Texas Ranger. With content like Royal Pains, a doctor show, In Plain Sight, a cop show with very little detective work because of its focus on witness protection, and Walker, a cop show with no detective work (and one that's only watchable when Conan O'Brien's around to butt in with snarky and appalled commentary), the name Sleuth doesn't make much sense anymore. Cloo--the new name that Sleuth will assume on a yet-to-be-confirmed future date a la the still-inane 2009 conversion of its other sister station Sci Fi to Syfy--makes even less sense. What's next? NBCUniversal rebranding USA as YouSA? (They also own Telemundo. Maybe they should rename it YouEse.)

Occasionally, Sleuth has done something nice like temporarily revive a show I've longed to see again (Keen Eddie, The Rockford Files) or air a 007 marathon or the surprisingly good 1973 made-for-TV caper movie/unsold anthology show pilot The Alpha Caper, which isn't on DVD and stars Henry Fonda as a forcibly retired parole officer who teams up with the ex-cons he used to watch over--two of whom are played by Leonard Nimoy and Larry Hagman--to hijack a shipment of gold. But otherwise, as a fan of the private eye and caper genres, I've found Sleuth to be a wasted opportunity, regurgitating too many of the same broadcast network procedural reruns that can already be found on USA (House, NCIS).

Unless it's airing a White Collar episode I've never seen before or a Burn Notice rerun with a useful spy tip I need to jot down, Sleuth isn't worth my time. The channel's so cheap it doesn't have any on-air hosts or any original programming that could have given Sleuth a distinctive personality, like how breezy procedurals have become USA's forte or how FX has become synonymous with edgy comedies and gritty and violent but intelligently written dramas (the only original show that Sleuth has produced is a 2006 I Love the '80s-style special about "America's Top Sleuths").

It's owned by NBCUniversal and it's called Sleuth (that is until the name change to Cloo takes place), so why isn't the channel diving into the NBCUniversal library, with its vast history of influential crime shows, and pulling out classic sleuthy properties like Columbo (R.I.P. Peter Falk) or the other NBC Mystery Movie shows? Shouldn't a channel called Sleuth be a little, uh, sleuthier?

Also, as someone who stopped finding Law & Order interesting after an ailing Jerry Orbach left the mothership (although the later pairing of Jesse L. Martin and Jeremy Sisto was a great and too-brief one during the mothership's Law half, as was the duo of Chris Noth and Annabella Sciorra on Criminal Intent), I don't think Sleuth needs to be another repository for Criminal Intent and Special Victims Unit reruns (TNT has exclusive rights to reruns of the mothership, which explains its absence on the NBCUniversal channels' schedules). Okay, maybe Criminal Intent is tolerable once every weekday, but a five-hour Goren-thon like the ones Sleuth often does is overkill. Plus, Sleuth is the sixth channel on the dial that currently airs Criminal Intent reruns, after USA, Bravo, Oxygen, WGN and the local MyNetworkTV affiliate. Enough already, man.

As for SVU, I never cared for a show that's like Law & Order for people who enjoy those lame Lifetime women-in-peril TV-movies. Also, it turned Munch, one of my favorite Homicide characters, into a boring extra. That's criminal. I'm glad Christopher Meloni jumped ship because he can now concentrate on unleashing again his much-missed comedic side (a highlight of Wet Hot American Summer and the Harold & Kumar movies).

If I ran Sleuth/Cloo, here's how the schedule would look for what I always thought a crime show channel should be.

The original Law & Order isn't on here because of TNT (another reason to dislike them besides their cancellation of Men of a Certain Age). Wiseguy isn't on here because I assume the most recent syndication package is just like the DVD and iTunes versions of the show, which removed The Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" from the famous "Vinnie and Sonny stare into each other's eyes and wind up as footage for The Celluloid Closet II" sequence due to clearance issues. A butchered Wiseguy is like a piece of bitter melon that winds up in my plate of fish and rice: I don't want it. The Shield is missing because Spike has the rights to it, and as for my all-time favorite The Wire, DirecTV's Audience Network currently has dibs on it. I wouldn't want to acquire Wire reruns anyway because NBCUniversal wouldn't let them air uncensored:

MONDAY-FRIDAY
6am: Columbo
7:30am: Barney Miller
8am: Psych
9am: Monk
10am: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
11am: The Rockford Files
12pm: "Brilliant But Cancelled" (a revival of an old programming block that was the highlight of NBCUniversal's long-dead Trio channel and has lent its name to a blog at the NBCUniversal-owned Television Without Pity site, the hour would alternate between Terriers, Eyes, Black Tie Affair, Andy Barker, P.I., A Nero Wolfe Mystery, Karen Sisco, Keen Eddie, the Touching Evil remake, Vengeance Unlimited, EZ Streets, Crime Story, Andre Braugher's Thief, Thieves, Day Break, Tenspeed and Brown Shoe and Police Squad!)
1pm: Burn Notice
2pm: I Spy
3pm: The Avengers (I miss A&E's Avengers reruns that used to air at 3pm in the '90s)
4pm: It Takes a Thief
5pm: Mission: Impossible
6pm: Alias (two impeccably scored spy shows back-to-back!)
7pm: "007 at 7" (a broadcast of a 007 movie hosted by Mozzie from White Collar, who points out mistakes in the movie he wouldn't have made if he were Bond)

10pm: Veronica Mars
11pm: Burn Notice
12am: The Equalizer
1am: Law & Order: Criminal Intent (just so that there'd be that one night where the Equalizer episode featuring a Full Metal Jacket-era Vincent D'Onofrio as a crazed arsonist ends up back-to-back with Criminal Intent)
2am: Homicide: Life on the Street (now what if one night, that D'Onofrio Equalizer guest shot ended up getting followed by a D'Onofrio episode of Criminal Intent and then D'Onofrio's guest appearance on Homicide?--that would be even more awesome: D'Onofrio lights people on fire, and then he apprehends people who would light people on fire, and then he gets run over by a subway train)
3am: Spenser: For Hire (as the A.V. Club comments section once said about this show, Avery Brooks is one bad motherfucker)
4am: Harry O
5am: Mannix

SATURDAY
(The whole day is devoted to one show. Sleuth's recent all-Saturday marathons of either White Collar, Burn Notice, Psych, In Plain Sight, Covert Affairs, MacGyver or Charlie's Angels actually aren't a wack idea.)

SUNDAY
6am: Movie
8am: Movie
10am: Movie
12pm: Movie
2pm: Movie
4pm: Movie
6pm: Honey West
6:30pm: The Name of the Game

8pm: Columbo
9:30pm: McCloud
11pm: McMillan and Wife
12:30am: Peter Gunn
1:00am: Batman: The Animated Series
1:30am: Duckman
2:00am: Get Smart
2:30am: Sledge Hammer!
3:00am: Car 54, Where Are You?
3:30am: Barney Miller
4:00am: "The 4 O'Clock Movie" (I'd relegate the channel's frequent broadcasts of straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme duds to this time slot and get a stand-up or some "Commander USA"-type figure to be the on-air host, so that she or he can make it a less grueling experience to sit through duds like that Van Damme movie that ends with him and Vivica A. Fox sharing one of the strangest-looking prolonged kisses ever filmed)

Peter Falk (1927-2011)

Peter Falk, 83, died June 23 at his home in Beverly Hills, California. He had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

Crime TV fans know him well for 30 years portraying rumpled genius detective Lt. Columbo. The role, which earned him four Emmy Awards, originated in 1968 with Prescription: Murder. His final performance as the detective was in 2003's Columbo Likes the Nightlife.

In his long acting career, Falk performed in many films. A sampling includes: Murder Inc. (1960), Pocketful of Miracles (1961), It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963), Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964), Murder by Death (1976), The Brink's Job (1978), The Cheap Detective (1978), The In-Laws (1979), The Great Muppet Caper (1981), The Princess Bride (1987), Wings of Desire (1987), Faraway, So Close (1993) and Made (2001).

More: Peter Falk was Columbo and a whole lot more: a career-spanning appreciation (Entertainment Weekly)
Opening Theme: NBC Mystery Movie (COLUMBO) (Crime TV)

TV producer, writer, creator Stephen Cannell (1941-2010)

The man who more or less defined crime television in the 1970s and '80s, Stephen Cannell, passed away Thursday due to complications from melanoma.

A prolific TV writer and producer, Cannell, 69, started as a writer for It Takes a Thief, Ironside and Columbo, then story editor for Adam-12. He went on to create or co-create nearly 40 series.

His credits include:
The Rockford Files (1974-1980, 1994-1999)
Baretta (1975-1978)
The Greatest American Hero (1980-1983)
The A-Team (1983-1987)
Hardcastle & McCormick (1983-1986)
Hunter (1984-1991)
Riptide (1984-1986)
21 Jump Street (1986-1991)
Wiseguy (1987-1990)
Booker (1989-1990)
The Commish (1991-1995)



In recent years, Cannell appeared as himself on Castle. This morning, Castle star Nathan Fillion‎ tweeted: "Stephen Cannell, For shaping my youth, influencing the pros around me, and participating in Castle, thank you. You will be missed."

Cannell was also a spokesman for the learning disorder dyslexia.

More links:
TV producer Stephen J. Cannell created 40 shows (Chicago Sun-Times)
Stephen J. Cannell dies at 69; TV writer, producer (Los Angeles Times)
Stephen J. Cannell 1941-2010 (Ain't It Cool News)

More from Crime TV:
Classic Stephen J. Cannell TV on DVD
Watch CASTLE on ABC
Watch 21 JUMP STREET free online!
Watch HUNTER episodes online free!
Opening Theme: BARETTA
Mystery TV Themes: THE ROCKFORD FILES
Crime TV Themes: NBC MYSTERY MOVIE (Columbo)
Opening Theme: IT TAKES A THIEF

Ricardo Montalban (1920-2009) and Patrick McGoohan (1928-2009)

As I found out about Montalban's death, TCM happened to be airing the MGM: When the Lion Roars documentary, which features the former MGM contract player and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan star as an interviewee. The lengthy doc traces the rise and fall of "the Tiffany studio," and Montalban, in his smooth Latin playa voice, laments how "the lion stopped roaring."

Montalban was one of the few remaining survivors of the era of the studio system--a system that both helped and hurt his career. In an interesting 2002 Palm Beach Post article that unfortunately is no longer online, Montalban, who at the time was promoting TCM's Hispanic Heritage Month tribute to Hispanics in cinema, recalled his days as one of Hollywood's few Latino movie stars:

Montalban, a star in his native Mexico -- his parents were Castilian Spanish, but his physician father moved the family to Mexico before he was born -- had his troubles in Hollywood. When he was signed by MGM in 1946, there was a movement afoot to change his name to -- wait for it -- Ricky Martin.

"They couldn't pronounce my name," he says today. "Joe Pasternak, the producer, would introduce me to people as Richard Mandelbaum. Eight times out of 10, I was Richard Mandelbaum, but a couple of times I was Richard Mountbatten, and at least once he said Richard Musclebound. He had a hell of a time with it.

"So they thought my name was impossible, and they were going to change it, but then they consulted with the man who was in charge of the Latin America market, and he said, 'He has a following here, you can't change his name.' And that's the only reason I managed to retain my dignity."

The studios' strengths were in stereotyping -- the blond bombshell, the ultra-masculine leading man, etc. -- so the Hispanics they had under contract were no exception.

"I approached directors, producers, executives and tried to convince them to create other characters besides the Mexican bandit and the hot senorita. Call it ignorance, but they would tell me, 'We're trying to put as many colorful characters in the movies as we can.' They called these stereotypes 'colorful.' "

Not only that, but Montalban was aware of an even subtler prejudice. Montalban played Cubans, played Argentinians, played Brazilians, but it took years before he could play a Mexican.

"Mexico didn't sound quite right, even though we have the best muralists in the world, some of the best painters, the best heart specialists. Where were they on the screen, people of dignity, wealth and culture? Or even the very honorable middle-class man who struggles to give his kids a better education. 'An architect is not colorful,' they would tell me."

MGM didn't stint on Montalban; he worked opposite the studio's top leading ladies, from Lana Turner to Jane Powell, and was given several films in the early '50s as a stand-alone lead, though he points out that they were B films.

Even when Montalban resented the roles he was assigned, his options were limited. "When I would say, I don't want to do it, it's vapid, they would say, 'All right, you don't have to do it. But we'll put you on suspension for six months.' So that vapid role became a great role. I had a wife and four children; I never went on suspension because I couldn't afford it."

There was no cohesion within the Hispanic community in Hollywood -- everybody worked at different studios, and went home to their different houses. That would eventually lead Montalban to found Nosotros, an organization to promote Hispanic talent so that, as he puts it, "we could be judged on our ability or lack of ability, not by our names."

Because of the lack of substantial big-screen roles for Latinos and the decline of the studio system, Montalban made the jump to TV. But the small screen wasn't much of an improvement for Latinos (and everyone else who was a minority), because Montalban guest-starred as a '90s dictator from India (Khan Noonien Singh on Star Trek), a Frenchman (Combat!) and a Japanese gangster (Hawaii Five-0) and then ruled the '70s and '80s Saturday night airwaves as a mysterious island resort owner of indeterminate race (Fantasy Island).

Whether the role was inane (the taped-eyelidded act on Five-0) or not (Khaaaaaaaaaan!), Montalban the serial guest star--and serial Fakasian--brought to each of his live-action or animated performances a certain regal movie-star charisma that boosted the show. That same charisma helped add an edge to Wrath of Khan that was missing from the first Trek feature film. Returning to a character he played 15 years earlier, Montalban was pitch-perfect as the genetically engineered title villain, or as Robin Harris would have called him, "Test-tube baby!"

Montalban also played equally pivotal roles in the Planet of the Apes and Spy Kids franchises. Speaking of spies...

Another great actor has died: Patrick McGoohan, star and co-creator of both Danger Man, a.k.a. Secret Agent, and its unofficial sequel The Prisoner, which he memorably parodied on The Simpsons in one of his last bits of acting.


The Danger Man creators used the Bond novels as a springboard to conceive a spy hero who was different from Ian Fleming's "blunt instrument." John Drake wasn't much of a skirtchaser and was less violent and glamorous than 007. McGoohan actually turned down the film version of Dr. No because the actor, a devout Catholic, wasn't comfortable with playing a womanizer. But he had no objections to playing the cerebral Drake, the antithesis of Bond.

Like Montalban, McGoohan excelled in villainous roles, from Silver Streak to Columbo. He played four different killers on both the NBC and ABC versions of the Peter Falk TV-movie franchise and won Emmys for two of those characters. By Dawn's Early Light is my favorite Columbo installment because McGoohan is so mesmerizing as an unflappable military school commandant.

Wired's Underwire blog has posted a detailed remembrance of McGoohan, who wanted individuality in everything he did. "It's not easy to find it always," he said as he channeled Number Six from The Prisoner. "I question everything. I don't accept anything on face value."

Here's the classic Prisoner opening title sequence, scored by Ron Grainer, who also composed the Doctor Who theme, and featuring guitar work by Vic Flick, who performed the guitar riffs during the Dr. No version of "The James Bond Theme":