On 420, I live-tweeted the original 1936 version of
Reefer Madness. The movie's so boring I wanted to jump out the window like that overacting pot dealer lady at the end.
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In a few minutes, I'm live-tweeting Reefer Madness. I haven't heard Nelson/Murphy/Corbett's RiffTrax of it. I bet it's hilarious.
12:01 PM Apr 20th via web #ReeferMadnessLiveTweet starts now. This propaganda piece is apparently a classic in the drug-scare genre.
12:05 PM Apr 20th via web The movie paved the way for such drug-scare gems as the Dragnet "Blue Boy" episode and the Quincy punk episode.
12:06 PM Apr 20th via web The Quincy punk episode? Yeah, punk isn't a drug, but...
12:06 PM Apr 20th via web ... Jack Klugman, at his most self-indulgent and toupeed, preaches against punk as if it's a drug.
12:07 PM Apr 20th via web MTV now reruns movies like the Star Wars prequels and The Matrix. But back when the channel was about videos...
12:07 PM Apr 20th via web ... this public-domain piece of shit was the only movie MTV could afford to broadcast.
12:08 PM Apr 20th via web The opening credits begin. "Marihuana is that drug--a violent narcotic..." Just like cokane and hairrowhen.
12:09 PM Apr 20th via web "Marihuana" finally leads to "acts of shocking violence"? Someone is feeding you bad intel, opening credits guy.
12:10 PM Apr 20th via web A violent stoner is like a black Gossip Girl viewer. They don't exist.
12:10 PM Apr 20th via web Pineapple Express shows what it's like if stoners try to get violent. As action heroes, they're the clumsiest.
12:11 PM Apr 20th via web Reefer Madness, a.k.a. Tell Your Children, opens with the ugliest credits font ever.
12:11 PM Apr 20th via web The ugly credits font is a cross between church bingo sign writing and the Dukes of Hazzard font.
12:12 PM Apr 20th via web The opening crawl goes on forever. A stoner was probably responsible for the speed of the opening crawl.
12:13 PM Apr 20th via web 
The exciting PTA meeting sequence influenced similar PTA meeting sequences in The French Connection and Ronin.
12:15 PM Apr 20th via web Drink every time you hear the word "scourge."
12:16 PM Apr 20th via web What is this? Fox News? The principal creepily repeats phrases like a Republican pundit.
12:18 PM Apr 20th via web "Scourge." "Deadly narcotic." "Deadly drug." Get a thesaurus, motherfucker!
12:19 PM Apr 20th via web When I hear the word "scourge," weed doesn't come to mind. What comes to mind is the Decepticon who had a beard.
12:19 PM Apr 20th via web 
How did Scourge and Wreck-Gar grow facial hair? Was that the Transformer gods' equivalent of the platypus?
12:20 PM Apr 20th via web The principal is doing Adam Sandler's "You can put your weed in there" shtick from Rob Schneider's The Hot Chick.
12:20 PM Apr 20th via web "They are hidden inside jewelry cases, in the heels of shoes, women's shoes especially."
12:21 PM Apr 20th via web The principal with the weird accent looks like the type of guy who's got a fetish for collecting women's shoes.
12:22 PM Apr 20th via web Female weed dealers didn't look like Mary-Louise Parker back then.
12:24 PM Apr 20th via web Female dealers in the 1930s looked like the butterface from Peanuts who brags about her naturally curly hair.
12:24 PM Apr 20th via web Instead of MILF Weed, the movie's female dealer is selling MIWF Weed, as in Mama I Won't Fuck.
12:24 PM Apr 20th via web 
The shots of the butterface slipping on her stockings were tacked onto the movie by an exploitation producer.
12:25 PM Apr 20th via web The movie was originally funded by a church group. I bet the sight of the dealer chick's bare knees infuriated them.
12:25 PM Apr 20th via web The director's idea of a scandalous opium den-like hangout is the Ricardos' living room from I Love Lucy.
12:26 PM Apr 20th via web A teen warns his friend that Ralph the leering, very Aryan-looking pothead is "a little too old for us."
12:29 PM Apr 20th via web Ralph's first scenes are dripping with Top Gun-like homoerotic tension.
12:29 PM Apr 20th via web The camera is obsessed with Ralph and his friends' asses as they walk to the diner.
12:30 PM Apr 20th via web The camera must be omnisexual like Captain Jack. It leers at ladies' stockings and checks out guys' asses.
12:30 PM Apr 20th via web The diner is the whitest hangout I've ever seen. It's a Denny's employee's wet dream.
12:31 PM Apr 20th via web If these ragtime piano-playing diner folks were really potheads, the music wouldn't suck so much.
12:32 PM Apr 20th via web 
The movie traces how chronic ruins the life of 40-year-old high school student Bill Harper.
12:33 PM Apr 20th via web 'Cause day n' night/The dorky stoner won't stop saying "swell" tonight.
12:34 PM Apr 20th via web Bill and his boo horrendously recite Romeo and Juliet to each other. The Bard is doing a pinwheel in his grave.
12:34 PM Apr 20th via web "I'll buy you a soda." Bill says, "I never drink that stuff!" Bill prefers the blood of young virgins.
12:37 PM Apr 20th via web 
Bill's new homies are the least convincing movie potheads ever. The actors flunked Fake Inhaling 101.
12:41 PM Apr 20th via web The terrible acting reminds me of the late Mitch Hedberg's bit about movie pot:
http://bit.ly/9fIITN 12:42 PM Apr 20th via web I wish Method or Redman or @
johnthecho or Kal Penn or Cheech or Chong would show up to liven up this movie...
12:42 PM Apr 20th via web ... because without cheeba, this movie is boring and not the campy wild ride everyone makes it out to be.
12:43 PM Apr 20th via web The movie's public-domain status has resulted in a few colorized or re-edited versions.
12:44 PM Apr 20th via web Maybe this movie would be more watchable with a new soundtrack provided by Redman, Cypress Hill or Lil Wayne.
12:44 PM Apr 20th via web I'd re-edit the movie so that Bill gets high to the sounds of "Kush" by Lil Wayne:
http://bit.ly/dvSZvA 12:45 PM Apr 20th via web "Hit and Run" by the Bar-Kays would be great for the scene where a stoner kisses an old man with his car hood.
12:46 PM Apr 20th via web This film says weed makes you a speedy driver. Yeah, that's as likely as Leno giving up The Tonight Show.
12:46 PM Apr 20th via web After the apocalypse, all that'll be left are cockroaches and Leno, carrying a mic and testing the roaches' I.Q.
12:47 PM Apr 20th via web Post-apocalyptic Leno: "So Mr. Cockroach, can you tell me who the cockroach in this picture is?"
12:48 PM Apr 20th via web So when the anti-pot principal suffers from glaucoma, how's he gonna treat it? With optic nerve restoration tonic?
12:49 PM Apr 20th via web Nothing says teenage rebellion like ragtime piano.
12:50 PM Apr 20th via web In addition to making you drive faster, mary jane also turns you into a rapist.
12:57 PM Apr 20th via web If this were real life, Ralph would be in no shape to get it up. This movie gets so many details right.
12:57 PM Apr 20th via web 
Attempted rape. Fistfights. Gunshots. In 2010, this is what's known as a Jersey Shore cast party.
12:58 PM Apr 20th via web Jack: "She's dead. Mae, get me some water." Jack, this ain't the time to show off your corpse ventriloquism act.
12:58 PM Apr 20th via web Bill: "Mary! Mary!" I keep expecting him to next say, "You want the moon, Mary? I'll throw a lasso around it..."
1:00 PM Apr 20th via web The creepy anti-pot principal keeps looking at the camera. He's trying to take over the viewer's soul.
1:04 PM Apr 20th via web "It causes errors in time & space." Someone should write a sci-fi movie about blunts that can make you time-travel.
1:08 PM Apr 20th via web 
Ralph's crazed Michelle Bachman-esque expressions are the most disturbing thing about this movie.
1:16 PM Apr 20th via web The shitty print I'm watching suddenly doesn't have the audio in sync with the image.
1:16 PM Apr 20th via web The out-of-sync audio makes Reefer Madness look like a dubbed kung fu flick.
1:18 PM Apr 20th via web It looks like Jack is going to say to Ralph, "For someone who's a Shaolin monk, your kung fu's really lousy!"
1:19 PM Apr 20th via web 
The movie has turned into a tedious courtroom drama with a bit of '80s Divorce Court-caliber overacting.
1:23 PM Apr 20th via web 
The principal reminds the viewers to "Tell Your Children." About what? That you look like a registered sex offender?
1:29 PM Apr 20th via web 
The Kristen Bell version of Reefer Madness is probably something the original version is not: watchable. End of
#ReeferMadnessLiveTweet.
1:30 PM Apr 20th via web
