This was originally going to be a regular feature on my blog. Two April Fools Days ago, I posted some fake movie posters I made in Photoshop and was going to create some more, but I forgot that I suck at Photoshop, so Coming Soon to a Theater in an Alternate Reality Near You never became a regular thing.
The Minority Militant, a Chicago blogger who's a fan of my webcomic The Palace, recently asked me to design a T-shirt for his Project X fund, which he'll use to "reward any independent film director or producer with an outstanding treatment that casts at least one lead role for an Asian American male or female."
Because Project X is about supporting Asian American cinema, I originally wanted to draw an image of the Minority Militant literally kicking the backside of a white actor who's in yellowface and dressed up as the very dated Charlie Chan, whom Hollywood studios keep threatening to revive every few years (last failed attempt: that time when 20th Century Fox tried to get Lucy Liu to star as Chan's granddaughter). The image of Chan with a foot in his ass had stemmed from an idea I've had for a teaser trailer for the Asian American private eye movie or TV series I always wanted to create, in case it would ever get greenlit. The trailer, which would be a sendup of Chan movies, would show a white actor as a Chan-esque character who's trying to reveal the killer in a roomful of suspects, but before the Chan-esque detective can finish his corny, Confucius quotation-laden summation, he gets run over by a car driven by the movie's real hero, whom the trailer announcer would describe as not being "the same old Asian detective played by a guy who's as Asian as a Dutch clog dancer."
I told TMM my initial concept for the Project X drawing, and he joked that he's non-violent, which gave me an idea for the pose that became part of the tee's final design. I based TMM's pose on the famous 1964 "By Any Means Necessary" photo of an armed Malcolm X peering through window curtains, which an Uzi-wielding KRS-One memorably imitated on the cover of Boogie Down Productions' By All Means Necessary album. But instead of a rifle or an Uzi, TMM is holding his preferred weapon, his blog, which is represented by a laptop.
That's too much pressure, Matt! I dig so many of them. Scores come in many different categories or genres (film, TV, synthesizer, 80-to-100-piece-orchestra, blaxploitation, espionage, poliziotto, lederhosen porn...). It's too broad a question, and it'd be difficult to narrow them down to 10.
I don't spend much time on Facebook(*) anymore (mostly because I now prefer the more stripped-down Twitter), but there's one thing I enjoy doing on Facebook: making lists(**) of my favorite pieces of music on Facebook's LivingSocial and iLike apps.
(**) The title of this post refers to the "List Habit" tag that Kim Morgan uses for her list-crazy posts.
In LivingSocial's case, the app has you post Top 5 lists of your favorite things. So instead of a "Top 10 favorite scores" list, I'll repost the Top 5 lists of favorite score cues (or scores) under certain categories that I've been posting on LivingSocial and Twitter.
Five favorite marches from original film or TV scores 5. John Williams, "The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme)," The Empire Strikes Back 4. John Williams, "March from 1941" 3. Jerry Goldsmith, "Main Title," Star Trek: The Motion Picture 2. John Williams, "Main Title," Superman: The Movie 1. Terence Blanchard, "Fruit of Islam," Malcolm X
God, the Oscars are a joke. How could they not nominate Terence Blanchard for his 1992 Malcolm X score, which is filled with awesome themes like "Fruit of Islam," the cue he wrote for the film's Harlem march sequence? What was the score that won in 1993? Oh right, Aladdin. Give me a break.
Gene Roddenberry dug the Star Trek: The Motion Picture march so much that he recycled it for Star Trek: The Next Generation in 1987. TV composer Dennis McCarthy wrote an updated arrangement of the march, and it was performed by an orchestra that was smaller than the 90-piece orchestra that performed it back in 1979. That explains why the TNG version lacks oomph. I prefer the original 1979 rendition. I like how the brass sounds jazzier.
Five other favorite marches 5. Ennio Morricone, "March of the Beggars," Duck, You Sucker 4. Jerry Goldsmith, "Attack," Patton 3. Elmer Bernstein, "Main Title," The Great Escape 2. Elmer Bernstein, "Stripes March" 1. John Williams, "End Credits," Raiders of the Lost Ark
On the opposite end of the spectrum, what's the crappiest original TV theme of all time? I was going to say Enterprise, but then I remembered the Diane Warren-penned "Where My Heart Will Take Me" wasn't an original work. It was recycled from Patch Adams, of all movies. (In a sketch I wrote for A Fistful of Soundtracks' 2002 Halloween special, gangbangers torture a hostage by subjecting him to the Enterprise theme.)
1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times. Star Trek II.
2. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater. Batman (1989).
3. Name an actor/actress that would make you more inclined to see a movie. Marisa Tomei, naked edition.
4. Name an actor/actress that would make you less likely to see a movie. Actor: Steven Seagal. Actress: Zac Efron.
5. Name a movie that you can quote from. Midnight Run. Hey Tony, Tony. Hopalong Cassidiche. Got your camera? Take a picture.
6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs. None.
7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with. Johnnie To's The Mission. That theme music is infectious!
8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see. If you're not averse to subtitles, I recommend The President's Last Bang, a hilarious 2005 South Korean comedy about the 1979 assassination of Korean dictator Park Chung-hee. If you are averse to subtitles, I recommend the original Taking of Pelham One Two Three, one of the most underrated action flicks ever. It was Die Hard before there was even a Die Hard.
9. Name a movie that you own. Chan Is Missing.
10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops. Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense and the Boomtown TV series.
11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what? The Goonies.
12. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't yet gotten around to it. Slumdog Millionaire.
13. Ever walked out of a movie? No.
14. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater. None, although Malcolm X nearly made me tear up.
15. Popcorn? Yes, it is.
16. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)? I never go out to the theater anymore, unless it's an event movie like The Dark Knight.
17. What's the last movie you saw in the theater? The Dark Knight: The IMAX Experience.
18. What's your favorite/preferred genre of movie? Comedy.
19. What's the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? Star Trek II.
20. What movie do you wish you had never seen? Dancer in the Dark.
